I have lived life with both reckless abandon and with calculated focus.
What I have learned is that both are valuable.
The reckless abandon experiences are memories that I pull forward throughout life to laugh about and remember the lessons. These times bring me a sense of freedom and joy that I can call upon when needed, and then I tuck them away for the next time that I am feeling the need for such. The calculated focus living is what keeps me above water and on my path forward. It is the planning and drive that is required to make strides forward, to accomplish goals and dreams. Living a life with both is like walking forward with a pocket full of happy.
So next time you are beating yourself up for actions that you have taken in the past that do not line up with what you think you should have done, remember, those were just your reckless abandon times. Those were your times to learn lessons, collect memories and fill your pockets with happy. Change your thinking of those experiences into appreciation for having the opportunity to live them. Everyone needs a reserve of happy to pull out when they are going through tough times and sadness. Be conscious to fill yourself full of as much as you can. You have complete control of how you view your own actions.